Merks and I went for funding to make animated version of a friends stage show. The people in charge of the money didnt like the theatre script. I thought it was like the Young Ones, I liked it.
The guy who wrote it had previously wrote, directed and starred in a production called 'Leia by Leia' where he had two actresses dress in the Leia Jedi slave girl outfit and writhe around with him for a good 10 mintues or so. Brass balls.
Here is a bit of the script if you give a shit:
A plane soars loudly overhead.We hear a female scream.
The lights return, dimly illuminating two airline seats. FAST sits in one, she looks very flustered and horribly underslept. She wears a lei and carries a foot-high carved wooden tiki. VENUS sits in the other. She looks impeccable. The scream has roused her from her (graceful) sleep.
VENUS: Is everything allr-?
FAST: I didn’t scream. I sneezed. I’m not a nut. (Indicating unseen stewardess) I’m okay. Don’t come over. Allergies. (She fumbles for a container of pills and begins taking them vigorously). (Suddenly bellowing at Venus) Go to sleep! (Catches herself) I’m fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you is what I meant. I’m sorry. Hi. How are you? You should go back to sleep.
VENUS: I’m very well. Thank you. You know, I used to get the most terrible
butterflies myself on these trips. But now I simply close my eyes and-
FAST: Fuck I hate flying. Hate it. Not in that white-knuckled, B.A. Baraccas, clawing at the seats and windows (yelling) “We’re all gonna die! We’re all gonna fucking die! Knock me senseless lest I start tearing things up and hurt someone!” kind of way. (Again to the unseen stewardess) I’m fine! I’m telling a story. Sit down. (Back to Venus) That doesn’t scare me. It’s that claustrophobic, not enough legroom, monotonous droning, cut-to-pieces in-flight movie, ankles filling with fluid, clock-hands limping, couldn’t-stand-another-five-minutes yet there’s still six and a half hours to go, “Kill me, dear God, somebody please kill me, let this be the day” kind of way. I should be sitting up the front there. I’d organised specifically to have two seats to myself. I show up and they refuse. Accuse me of trying to scam the airline.
VENUS: Oh. But why on earth would they do a thing like that?
FAST: I’m supposed to be heavily pregnant.
VENUS: Oh. I see. But….hmm…well, if my imagination ever runs away with me, I know that there’s always-
FAST: You know- sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt- If I could get some sleep it wouldn’t be a problem. But that there’s a whole barrel of chickens you don’t want to open. Seems that whole little sleeping “privilege” has been taken away from me. (To tiki on her lap). Yeah I’m talking to you, you smug little bastard. (To Venus) Look at the grin on his face. He knows exactly what he’s done. (She reflects on this) Do you dream?
VENUS: Of course.
FAST: I mean figuratively. There must be something you want more than anything. If you had a chance to…change things. No matter how risky it seemed. Would you do it?
VENUS: If I believed in it
FAST: Even if people got hurt?
Venus considers this.
VENUS: Especially if people got hurt.
FAST: (Pause) That’s good. Very dry. (Fast drops her gaze to the tiki.) “All your dreams will come true”. It seems ludicrous now. Honestly, you wouldn’t believe it if I told you all about it. You wouldn’t want to.
VENUS: I’d be more than happy to listen.
FAST: Right.
VENUS: No really. I’d love to. The trip can be tedious. And I’m wide-awake now. It’ll be fun. More often than not a problem that’s shared is a-
FAST: You know I think I’ll just read. Do you mind?
VENUS: No I-
FAST: This books absorbing. I picked it up at the airport. It’s sci-fi. I don’t
usually read sci-fi. It’s childish. All the same. My ex writes sc-fi. He’s very famous. His books are shit but he’s remarkably famous. Anyway, this guy (indicates her book) not nearly as famous. But the stuff he writes is good. Picked it up on a whim. Feeling masochistic I guess. His name is even Book! Book Campbell. What are the odds? He’s a writer and his name is book. Fate is funny. Believe me, I’d know. (Laughs to herself) “Book”.
She becomes engrossed in her novel. VENUS pauses. Smiles at the tiki, gently pats it, and then goes back to sleep.
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